Sunday, August 17, 2014

SummerSlam 2014 predictions

Rob Van Dam vs. Antonio Cesaro: Why?

Prediction: Cesaro if there's a god. Getting reeeeeeal tired of WWE waffling on Cesaro.

Bray Wyatt vs. Jericho: Second time in a row for these two because WWE doesn't have anybody else for Bray to feud with.

Prediction: If Bray doesn't win, then they're burying him like they buried Ryback. Seriously, the man cannot continue losing PPVs and still be seen with a credible threat. To say nothing that a victory does nothing for a part-timer like Jericho.

Rusev vs. Jack Swagger: This feud is pretty boring and only barely kept afloat by Lana and Zeb. Even then, I could care less.

Prediction: Sylvester Stallone shows up and KOs both of them. Failing that, it depends on how much longer they plan on keeping this thing rolling. Swagger should win in that case, but again, who cares?

AJ Lee vs. Paige: If AJ wins again, then does the feud end and if not, what's keeping it going?

Prediction: No idea.

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins: Will they finally get to fight? God, I hope so.

Prediction: Dean to end the feud and Rollins to continue it.

Dolph Ziggler vs. 80s gay pornstar Miz (Champ) for the Intercontinental Championship: Bad News Barrett got injured months back and had to vacate the IC title. For reasons unknown, they decided to give the belt to Miz. Not having anything for him to do after that, they put him in a feud with Ziggler, who likewise had nothing to do.


Stephanie McMahon vs. Brie Bella (or should that be Brie Bryan? Brie Bella-Bryan?): In a nutshell, Brie "quit" WWE months ago so that her injured husband could keep a title that he was stripped of anyways and this started a feud between the two women, with Steph putting Brie's sister Nikki in one handicap match after another. Eventually the two confronted each other on an episode of Monday Night Raw where Brie was attending as a fan. This led to a face off and Steph slapped the ever loving shit out of her. This, in turn, led to Steph being arrested for assault.

When Steph got out of jail and hardened by her experience like only prison life can (those must have been some tough few hours), she tried to convince Brie to drop the charges. The latter did in exchange for getting her job back...and a match at SummerSlam. Yada, yada, yada, Steph ended up giving both Bellas Pedigrees (which was fucking awesome) during the contract signing, but not before Triple H got dropped by one hell of a slap from Brie.

Then it all turned to shit with WWE's writers stealing one of the stupidest storylines not just in TNA, but all of wrestling history by having Steph troll Brie with the "revelation" that Daniel had been carrying on an affair with his physical therapist. TNA did something like this that involved a woman named Claire Lynch claiming that AJ Styles had knocked her up. It was a terrible, terrible, shitty storyline, but WWE decided to use it.

Prediction: I keep seeing rumors that Nikki Bella is going to turn heel on her sister and that'll set up a feud between them. I hope not. I don't have a prediction for this one because all I want to see is Brie using a Knee Plus and the Yes! Lock (both finishing moves of her husband) and Steph using the Pedigree.

Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton: I'm assuming that they're building towards a Reigns vs. Triple H match at some point in the future, but Roman has to go through Randy first to finish their feud.

Prediction: Roman Reigns.

John Cena (Champ)  vs. MY CLIENT BROOOOOOOOOOCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE STREAK AT WRESTLEMANIA for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: I wonder who Lesnar's opponent is going to be at the next PPV? Please let it be Cesaro!

Prediction: Brock Lesnar. All the hype and rumors have him winning, but WWE could easily swerve us, but I doubt it. I've seen rumors that Cena is going to take time off to do movie commitments.

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