Sunday, June 19, 2016

I hear tell that it's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll

I cockblocked myself in a dream last night

Last night I had a sex dream and everything was going great...right up till I woke up. I don't usually remember much or anything of my dreams once I wake up, but occasionally I'll bits if they stand out. What I can remember is was standing on the front porch of my house, about to go inside when this woman walks by. I should mention at this point that we were both naked. I've never been nor will I ever be a nudist, so I have no idea why we were in our birthday suits and not being arrested for it.

Like I said earlier, I don't usually remember much of anything about my dreams, but I do remember this woman more than anything else in it. She's African-American and about my age. Her skin was sort of a middle tone, neither dark or light. Her hair was about shoulder length, corkscrew curly, and the best way I can describe the color was like red clay, but darker. Her body was pretty fit - not muscular, but she obviously took care of herself. She had a very small bust, bordering on being flat-chested. I don't recall whether or not she had any pubic hair either because of bad memory or I simply didn't look down there. I'd say she was my height (around 6'2) or close to it and she had some freckles under his eyes that made her even more stunning. I've never seen this woman or anyone resembling her before in my life, so I have to figure that she's a composite created by my mind using different black women I've seen on TV, the internet, and in real life.

So anyways, she's walking by the house but stops and we get to chatting and flirting. The latter was mostly her because I know less than zilch about flirtation. Somehow this leads to me inviting her up to my bedroom just to hang out and talk. At this point, provided that you're still reading this, you're probably going "Oh sure, talk, mmhmm." but I'm fairly confident that that was the intention for the simple fact that this would fit my personality to a T. I could have a supermodel or my favorite adult actress in this bedroom right now and having sex wouldn't be the first thing on my mind. I'm not saying it wouldn't be like the second thing on my mind, but it certainly wouldn't be at the top.

There's a few oddities at this point that I think are worth noting. First, the bedroom as it appeared in my dream wasn't the same as it is in real life. Whereas mine is longer than it is wide, the dream version was as wide as it was long. The window I open as soon as we walk in was different too. Whereas mine is in the middle of one one in real life, the dream one was situated right at the corner where two of the walls meet. It was narrower too. The other big difference? We were suddenly both clothed. My dreams tend to go through small changes like that for no rhyme or reason.

So like I said, we walk into the bedroom, now with clothes on, and I go and open the window. We're both wearing t-shirts and shorts, but hers are more like the kind that a person might wear if they're out for a run or otherwise exercising. Mine are more casual and what I usually wear during the summer. I also want to say that I might have sat down on the window sill, but I think that's a post-dream inclusion from my mind. She takes a seat on my unmade bed and we do actually hang out and chat just like I said.

So then I go over and sit on the bed beside her, still talking, but now things are starting the change. There's like a unspoken understanding that passes through us that things are going to progress from just talking to something else. We start making out and fumbling and all of the other things I assume happens when you start running the bases. Soon, the bed is even more of a mess than it was before. She's on her back and I'm kneeling between her legs and we're both scrambling to get our clothes off. There's an urgency radiating from both of us as if our lives, our very existence depends on us having sex. A desperate need. Like fire needs oxygen. I have no shame or embarrassment in saying that I've never had sex, so I have no idea if what I'm describing is an actual thing people feel when they want to have sex with each other or not. If it is, then I now totally understand why sex is so popular.

Unfortunately, just as we finish stripping and we're just starting to get to it...I wake up. My dreams start to get absurd just before I wake up and that's what happened here. I's all foggy, but I recall saying something about a hoe (the gardening tool) and Dream Girl snickered and said "hoe". We both did, actually and that's the weird part. We were both standing side by side, still naked, when we both said it, then I walked away and stood across from her. Apparently I went and stood beside her just so we could both snicker and say "hoe". Then I woke up. Like I said, my dreams get absurd right before I wake up.

And that folks, is how I cockblocked myself.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

I just thought of the worst possible job to have

Cleaning the donation rooms at a sperm bank. I imagine the cleaners put on one of those hazmat suits that scientists at the CDC wear when they're handling diseases. You know, the suits you sometimes see in movies with the air hoses in the back?

"Oh god, why can't they ever make it in the cup on the first try?"
"What'd they get it on the ceiling?!"
"I knew I should never have gone to ITT Tech."

Friday, June 17, 2016

Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks

Of course I went with the Tiny Toon Adventures music video. I remember watching this when I was a kid along with "Particle Man". If I had known who They Might Be Giants were, I'd probably have become a fan.

The new Spider-Man game looks interesting

I originally saw gifs from this video and thought they were from a trailer for Spider-Man: Homecoming. I was like "why'd they change the costume so soon after Civil War?" Had I a PlayStation 4, this would probably make it on my "to buy" list. Of course, that's just a trailer with no gameplay footage, so this could very well end up being a crappy game. Still, the cinematics look pretty.

Literally every ghost hunting show ever

Ghost hunter: "So we set up a camera to record in this room because it has a strong presence for supernatural activity."
Me: "Sounds reasonable."
Ghost hunter: "We reviewed the footage after several hours and we found solid evidence of an otherworldly presence."
Me: "Wow, really?"
[Ghost hunter plays footage and freeze frames on a single shot]
Ghost hunter: "Alright, see that object right there? [points at something on the TV screen] That's an ecto-plasmic apparition, a ghost!"
Me: "...That's a dust mote, dude."
Ghost hunter: "What? No! That's totally a ghost, man! Incontrovertable proof that there's life after death and that all things supernatural are real."
Me: "Or that it's just a dust mote. That room hasn't been cleaned since the Ford Administration and was dusty as all hell."
Ghost hunter: "..."
Me: "..."
Ghost hunter: "Nope, totally a ghost."
Me: "Ugh..."

I will never not love iMac G3 ads

Remember the late 90s when Steve Jobs returned to Apple and saved his former company from oblivion? I don't because I wasn't into computers, but I do remember when my high school got a bunch of the then hot iMac G3s and iBooks.

It probably sounds dumb nowadays, but the biggest selling point for the iMacs and iBooks back then was their appearance. Keep in mind that up till then, colors for computers were limited to I think beige and black, so having the option of bright, fun colors was a huge deal.

 Too bad that design aesthetic didn't stick around for very long. Apple ditched it pretty quick for white and black color schemes. The rest of the computer and electronic industry isn't much better. Sure, there are laptops that come in different colors, but they're not as vibrant and eye catching as the iMacs and iBooks.

Yup, taking a break from Tumblr

I don't know why, but that blog that followed me last night just rattled the hell out of me. Like I said, I've seen some weird stuff on Tumblr before, but that was just a whole new level of depravity that I never wanted to be aware of. I don't think I'm going to quit Tumblr completely. I might return or not, it depends on how I feel about it. It would be a shame to quit it forever because despite all of its flaws, Tumblr is a pretty good resource for pictures and what not. Just ask Cal. It would be a shame to give that up.

OF COURSE John Cena can speak Mandarin

Because he is a man of culture and refinement who wears jorts while wrestling backwoods cult leaders and dudes with bad haircuts.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Confession: I like Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe"

I was in a Big Lots1 today on a snack run while that song was blaring over the speakers and caught myself singing along under my breath and starting to groove a little. I'm not one to get jiggy with it (why yes, I am white, how'd you know?), but I realized that as far as modern pop songs go, "Call Me Maybe" isn't terrible. I wouldn't listen to it all of the time or with any real frequency, but I certainly wouldn't turn the dial if it came on the radio.

It manages to strike a balance between bubblegum pop, dance-pop, and regular pop music without going too far in any one direction, which broadens its appeal to wider audiences. It's a shame that this song has muffled Jepsen's music career by making her the Call Me Maybe Girl. Someone Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera managed to avoid that pitfall.

1: I guess if you don't have a Big Lots in your country, it's a discount store and buys and re-sells stuff that other retail outlets want or need to offload.

I think I might be done with Tumblr, or, this is why people turn to drink

So tonight I decided to check to see if I had any new followers to my Tumblr, Fuck Yeah, Nerdery, and you know what? Really wish I hadn't on both counts my Tumblr is now being followed by a dd/lg kink blog. What's that, you ask? It's a very disturbing D/s (dominate/submissive) subculture where a guy pretends to be the dad to the woman in the relationship. I had no idea till now just how incredibly sickening and disturbing that subculture is. If you've never used Tumblr, there's a feature where if you mouse over someone's name or icon, a mini-profile pops up. So long story short, I moused over this person's name and boy, did I ever regret it. Apparently women in dd/lg relationships actually pretend to be underage and this woman in particular pretends to be a 4-6 year old.

Just...why? I've been on Tumblr 2010 and while I've seen things I wish I hadn't, this is the first time I've ever wanted to quit.

Just when you think people can't get any more fucked up, the internet proves you wrong.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Public Service Announcement: That's not what my e-mail is for, folks

I keep getting e-mails from different companies trying to get me to blog for them or post about their stuff and folks, it just isn't going to happen. I don't know if they're actual people or bots because the emails are similar in that the sender claims to love reading my "nerdy posts" and want me to guest blog or pimp their products. If not bots, then it's very obviously a form letter that they send out to en masse. The "praise" is so generic that it if you replaced the word 'nerdy' with another adjective, it would change the message at all.

In any case, be it man, bot, cyborg, or sentient alien jellyfish, that's not why I have my email listed on here. I slapped it onto the sidebar so that folks could send me links to fun stuff they wanted to share or that I might want to post here, not so someone could try and squeeze free content out of me.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.