Cobra troopers are dedicated to the cause 24/7

Credit: Joepedia.

Olivia Newton-John wants to hear their bodies talk,
but all they'll say is "COBRA!".

Dedicated enough that they leave their helmets and masks on while on vacation. In Antarctica. That's a pretty odd place to put a resort, even odder that they're wearing their masks in a place that, until a group of Joes happened to show up, was known only to Cobra. Then again, we're talking about a massive terrorist organization with no discernible ideology or end goal, who's leadership consists of a silver-headed weapons dealer, a German chick with a leather/PVC fetish, and headed by a lizardman with the leadership skills of James Buchanan and who has no qualms about electrocuting then punching midgets. So really, if you think about it (not too hard, though), Cobra troopers wearing masks and helmets while on vacation in the South Pole really isn't that weird.

The episode that picture hails from is called The Viper is Coming, which while sounding ominous, is one of the sillier episodes of G.I. Joe. Now, I want you to stop and think about what I just said. Reread that sentence a few times. G.I Joe is rife with silly and absurd episodes, like the one where Cobra goes bankrupt, Destro invents a machine to brainwash people via 80s metal, and Cobra Commander, as mentioned earlier, electrocutes and punches a midget before robbing him. Another episode had Cobra causing all paper money in the United States to disintegrate, in some nutty plan to destroy and replace the U.S. economy with Cobra Bucks. Foolish, Cobra Commander, if you wanted to destroy the U.S. economy, then you should have just gotten involved in sub-prime mortgages and derivatives.

Anyway, in The Viper is Coming, the Joes are hanging out at Barbecue's newly renovated firehouse, Barbecue being the Joe's resident firefighter and stereotypical Irish-American from Boston. After Roadblock, Footloose, and Alpine succeed in wrecking the place, they receive the first of three calls from someone calling themselves 'The Viper'. The first call, he says "The Viper is coming; five seventy-five." The Joes assume that someone at Cobra is a turncoat and tipping them off. Somehow, this leads the Joes to Antarctica, because clearly, the Pentagon will rubber stamp any trips the Joes want to go on, even ones based on a vague tip from an unknown source. Surprisingly, the Soviets don't raise a stink even though the U.S. suddenly deploys large numbers of troops and vehicles to the Antarctic. Lo and behold, they stumble across the aforementioned Cobra resort and manage to capture all the troops hanging out there. The best part is that Scarlet rushes into one room full of armed troopers, fires once into the air and all the Cobras surrender. Clearly, this wasn't so much a resort as the first step in transitioning out the slackers.

So, the Joes clear out a Cobra base and head back to Barbecue's firehouse, when ring, ring, another call from the Viper, who says he'll "start on the west corner." Now, Scarlet must be related to Evel Knievel, because she makes a jump of logic that would him crap his jumpsuit, and deduces that 'corner' must mean 'point' and that Cobra plans to attack West Point Military Academy. Seriously, Superman himself could not have made that kind of leap in a single bound. The Joes go away and sure enough, Major Bludd shows up with tanks and troopers and the goal of kidnapping a U.S. Senator and a General. Now see, those are goals, not building a machine to turn money to dust. Predictably, the team cleans Bludd's clock, this time with the aid of an entire graduating class of cadets. I tell ya, the only thing more embarrassing than getting your ass kicked by a counter-terrorism force with a non-existent dress code is getting your ass kicked by a counter-terrorism force with a non-existent dress code and a bunch of inexperienced college graduates.

Not surprisingly, the Joes again head back to Barbecue's pad and get another call from The Viper, who says he'll "start at the top floor." Scarlet, once more jumps to a conclusion and the Joes head to Extensive Enterprise Tower, the tallest building in the world and a front for Cobra. Now, I just want to stop right here and paint a picture for you. G.I. Joe gets a very vague, pretty much non-existent "tip" that leads them to not just the headquarters of a major corporation, but the biggest skyscraper in the middle of a presumably major city and the military just O.K.s the deployment of dozens, possibly even hundreds of soldiers and military vehicles into an American city, completely in violation of the Posse Comitatus Act, a real law that prevents military units from being used as a domestic peace keeping force. True, this is a cartoon from the 80s aimed at selling toys, but I can't believe a president would just give the go ahead and not get his ass chewed out by the opposing political party and the media. Then again, the government in the G.I. Joeverse signed off on the creation of the G.I. Joes in the first place, so they're clearly not playing with a full deck. Predictably, there's a battle - in the middle of a major city with missiles exploding against buildings and everything - and the Joes win, no surprise there.

Credit: Joepedia.

Better shoot him, just in case.

The episode ends with one more call from The Viper, who announces he'll show up the following day at noon. The Joes, not knowing who or what The Viper is, and apparently ignoring how helpful his tips have been, set up machine gun nests, armored vehicles, and soldiers around Barbecue's firehouse. Then, The Viper shows up. Despite it obviously being a short old German dude armed only with a bucket and a squeegee, the Joes aren't taking any chances and aim guns at him like he's Osama bin Laden. So yeah, it turns out that The Viper isn't an informant, but a window cleaner and all those "tips" were just his hourly rate (5.75) and where he'd start cleaning (west corner at the top), the Joes are just capable of jumping to wild conclusions. Man, imagine if none of those tips panned out and they wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars or more for nothing. Then again, Reagan was president at the time, so it's not like anybody would notice.

All in all, The Viper is Coming is just a straight up silly episode, but funny all the same.

Edit: Updated and improved a tad.