My predictions for WWE's Money in the Bank

(via Cageside Seats)

The Usos (champs) vs. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan of the Wyatt Family for the Tag Team Championship: This all started during Bray Wyatt's feud with John Cena when The Usos, for whatever reason, started involving themselves by acting as Cena's backup. Harper and Rowan have several non-title victories over the tag champs, so naturally they're going to get a shot at the belts.

Prediction: Harper and Rowan. I think the WWE is keen on at least part of the Wyatt Family walking out of MITB with gold (or in this case, copper. The front plates of the belts look like pennies!). Don't count The Usos out though; they've had a nice long run with the titles and will undoubtedly have more reigns in the future.

Paige (champ) vs. Naomi for the Divas Championship: Apparently all it takes to become number one contender is beating the champ in one match. This really just shows the unfortunate weakness in the Divas Division for which creative and the bookers are to blame. The division needs more competitiveness!

Prediction: Paige will continue her reign. She's the new hotness in the division and she'll probably hold the title for a while long. Who knows, maybe they're waiting until AJ Lee comes back so they set up a match between the two. As for Naomi, I know she is a future Divas champ. I also believe that The Funkadactyls will split after this, if not the same night. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Naomi loses because Cameron interferes in the match and turns heel.

Goldust and Stardust vs. Rybaxel. Stardust is the single greatest thing I have ever seen and I will fight anybody who says otherwise. Rybaxel is enjoyable to watch.

Prediction: Read above. Goldy and Stardust win. Congress launches an investigation into what the hell Dusty Rhodes did to make his sons the way they are now.

Summer Rae vs. Layla with Fandango (Faaaaaaaandaaaaaaaaangoooooo) as the special guest referee: Rae used to be Fandango's dancing partner/valet until he dumped her over Twitter and replaced her with Layla. This started a feud between the two after the former returned from filming the next Marine sequel. Honestly, this is a boring as hell feud. I feel sorry for Fandango, I really do. The guy's got the looks, talent, and mic skills to be a top performer and he's just above Santino Marella on the ladder.

Prediction: Nobody wins. We all lose. Why is Fandango punished like this?

Rusev (with Lana) vs. Big E: Rusev is a monster heel with an anti-American and pro-Russian gimmick. Obviously its a "ripped from the headlines" move with a helping of Ivan Drago and Ludmilla from Rocky IV. Literally, the only way Rusev and Lana could draw more heat is if he formed a tag team with the corpse of Osama bin Laden. The weird/facepalmy thing though is that WWE's bookers keep putting him in squash matches against African-American wrestlers. He's wrestled against like two white guys since his debut, Zack Ryder and Heath Slater. Big E is I guess representing Apollo Creed in this match and we all know how that went down in the movie.

Prediction: Rusev, but really, we're all winners whenever Lana does that slow turn of hers in those skirts she wears. Have mercy! Really, I'm hoping for two post-match possibilities:

1. R-Truth, Xavier Woods, and  Kofi Kingston come out, beat up Rusev and form a new incarnation of The Nation of Domination with Big E.
2. Jack Swagger comes out to save Big E from a post-match beat down by Rusev. The fact that the All-American American whose current gimmick is that he's a patriot hasn't had a confrontation against the anti-American Rusev is a gross oversight. The only thing I can figure is that WWE is afraid of making him and Zeb Colter into faces while they're still running with xenophobic gimmick.

Money in the Bank Ladder match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: John Cena vs. Sheamus vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton vs. Cesaro vs. Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Roman Reigns: Writing those names took a while. Basically, Daniel Bryan was stripped of the championship because he had to have legit neck surgery and couldn't compete. So instead of a briefcase, both belts will be hanging above the ring.

Prediction: Probably John Cena. WWE needs to put the belts on somebody safe until either Bryan comes back or Brock Lesnar wins them, whichever comes first. Because of that, they're not going to give their rising stars like Bray, Roman, and Cesaro the belts for what might be a short run. Orton would be my second choice, followed by Kane, since they're both multi-time champs and both have beef with Bryan. Sheamus would be my fourth choice because he's already U.S. Champion and god knows if him winning would trigger Goldberg chants.

Of the new guys, I'd pick Cesaro since if he has to drop the title to Lesnar, it would be both an excellent match and it wouldn't wreck his momentum. If he drops it to Bryan, then it'll be a five star match for sure. Plus, Cesaro is already 33, so now is about the time he should be starting a world title reign.

Money in the Bank Ladder match for the briefcase: Bad News Barrett vs. Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger vs. Rob Van Dam: Goddamn, my fingers are cramping. Anyway, the briefcase contains a contract guaranteeing the winner a shot at the WWE World Heavyweight Championship any time until the next MITB. Winners have waited months to cash theirs in, some have done it the night after. Kane cashed his in the same time he won it. Dean Ambrose got into this match because he threatened to interfere and steal the briefcase otherwise. There's some question as to whether or not Bad News Barrett is even going to be in this match. Apparently he injured his shoulder (separated it, I think) during a match last Tuesday. If he is out, then I wonder who will replace him? Man, imagine if it was Brock Lesnar and he won.

Prediction: I have no clue, really. I know RVD, Swaggie, and Kofi aren't winning it. BNB would be my pick, but if he's really out, then maybe Ziggler? I can't really see Rollins or Ambrose winning it, but that's up in the air.